Friday, August 28, 2015

7 Quick Takes: Roller Coaster Ramblings

It's that time again....Noah is playing with his blocks, Jonah is taking his morning nap, and I've managed to shower somehow and am taking a few minutes to blog my thoughts. This week has been a little bit of a roller coaster (thus the title) of good and challenging things. I'm always excited though that it's Friday and soon my hubby will be home for the weekend! My favorite!

***1***

Earlier this week, for a day or so I was brave enough to have the thought that "Hey, I think I'm an OK mom.  I finally got my act together!" Bwahahahhaha...the next day I was feeling anything, but adequate.  Jonah didn't sleep, Noah was having some tantrums and showing his frustration with his limited vocabulary and Tom was running late from work. I wondered what I was doing wrong on every front.  But I've been a mom long enough now to know that that's how motherhood is.  Just when you feel like you've got a control of things, things suddenly get way out of control.  At the end of the day I need to remember that my kids are fed, loved, and for the most part thriving.  That means I've got to be doing 1 or 2 things right....right??

***2***

So this week something has really been bothering me.  REALLY bothering me.  I can't stop thinking about the Ashley Madison Affair scandal.  Josh Duggar and his poor family.  Is our world really
that messed up??  Is there any hope for marriages?? Am I ignorant for trusting my husband and not thinking that something like this could happen to us? (Just to be clear, I totally trust my husband...) I just am so upset that these are the odds we are facing.  This is the message our children are learning that if you aren't happy in your marriage you can just go have an affair.  And it doesn't matter what you think about Josh Duggar, those of us of faith have to realize that just because we go to church with our family and call ourselves Christians that we aren't going to have these temptations in our marriages.  I know plenty of Christian men and women that struggle with lust and pornography...and I imagine adultery too. 

I don't know what to do to resolve these feelings other than pray with and for my husband and our marriage and teach my boys the best I can about the sacrament of marriage.  It is a sad reality regardless.

***3-4-5*** (I've gotta be concise today...nap time is running out)

My thoughts haven't been all sad and depressing this week I assure you.  Inspired by the book  I mentioned last week, "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown, I have been thinking about when am I most happy and content in my life.  It was really an eye opening experience for me.  I realized that some of my happiest moments are the times when my family of 4 are together just living life.  Watching my kids enjoy time with their dad, singing silly songs together, working on little projects together.  Yes, we love hanging with our friends, going places, and having fun at our local hang outs, but some of my best moments are those with my little family.  We love watching our boys learn and grow.

The next thing I noticed is how much I personally enjoy doing little crafts.  My mom is the ultimate crafter and I am no where near her status of craftiness, but I do love doing little things .  I was surprised when my book talked about how having time to be crafty and creative is very stress reducing and fulfilling.  I realized how true that was for me.  I love my craft nights with my friend Cheryl and making gifts with my kids for their grandparents.  It's definitely something I want to make more time for in my life.  DIY here I come!!

The last thing I noticed is the joy I received when I was able to go to Mass alone with my husband a few times this summer alone.  There is such an intimacy in praying with your spouse.  We try to pray together at night, but it doesn't always happen.  We also love bringing our children to mass with us, but it really was lovely and very inspiring to pray the Mass, the greatest of prayers, along side my husband with no distractions.

***6***

I cannot believe in just a few days summer unofficially will be over, September will be here, Labor Day will be celebrated, and the lazy days of summer will be coming to an end.  I have mixed feeling about this.  I love fall.  It is my favorite time of year, I hate the heat after awhile, and I'm ready for some of our fall activities to resume and bring a little more organization to our days.  But the end of summer also means my parents will soon be heading back to Florida for the winter, which is a huge bummer for me and my boys.  I love the memories they are able to make when my parents are here for the summer.  We are going to have to try and figure out a way to get down to Florida this winter. Life also gets a lot busier for a lot of my friends with older kids and I'll miss our time together with them.  It's a mixed bag.  Luckily there is candy corn to help me get through it all.  ;)

***7***

My Noah LOVES Thomas the train and all trains in general.  We didn't intend for it to happen, and we love that he does, I just find it so interesting how little boys just gravitate towards little boys things.  It's in their make up to just love these things.  It's so fun watching him imagine and be creative with his train table.  He lines them up and makes the sounds too.  He can even tell you a few of their names.  I am interested to see if Jonah falls in love with him too. 

We are planning to take them to Thomas's World in Massachusetts next summer! I just know they are going to go crazy over it!!


Have a great weekend friends!! I'm hitting up the Mom2Mom sale of the year (or so I hear...) and making memories with my boys! I hope you all are doing something that makes your heart swell with joy as well!
worrying that something like this could mess up our marriage?

Friday, August 21, 2015

7 Quick Takes:Bouncing Around in my Mind

It's Friday and that means it's time for Quick Takes.  I promised myself I was going start blogging again each week, even if it's just Quick Takes.  So although I already put out one blog today (did you read it yet?) I want to stick to my promise and bust out some quick takes before Jonah wakes up.

***1***

Noah left with my parents for his first sleepover at the lake.  That means it's mommy and Jonah time until daddy gets home.  I forgot what one kid feels like.  And although I wouldn't have agreed when I just had my one kid, man is it easy!!!! Especially one kid that is barely mobile.  Gosh, I needed to cherish those days.  Tom and I are looking forward to spoiling our little Jonah tonight while his big brother is gone. 

***2***

Two words....The Don.  I mean what the heck is he doing?  And how is he gaining momentum?  I won't say that he hasn't had some good points, but I'm just not sure that Donald Trump is really the answer for this country. What is this world really coming to?

I'll stick with Ben Carson for now....

***3***

Speaking of the news, I'm sure you've heard about the Ashley Madison affair site that got hacked and just this past week 32 million names were released!  Did you read that??? 32 MILLION NAMES!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I am beyond shocked and appalled (though maybe I shouldn't be?).  Lord Jesus save us! 32 million MARRIED men and women are using an internet site to have an extra marital affair.  I just can't even....

***4***

And to piggy back on that I'm sure you've also heard that Josh Duggar, of 19 Kids and Counting, was found to be one of the 32 million using that site.  I have so many thoughts on him and his whole situation, but I am certain many people are commenting on that.  He needs no judgement and condemnation from me, though I certainly am devastated for his wife and children, but I think he offers all of us who call ourselves Christians a real lesson.  It's real important that we practice what we preach.  And it's even more important to remember that we are all flawed and sinful human beings.  We have to be careful how we present ourselves and allow ourselves to be portrayed, because frankly none of us are without sin in some way or another.  When we put ourselves out there proclaiming Christ it's important that we strive to be the best version of ourselves and yet humble enough to admit our flaws.  Our pastor at our church always says that a priest is "a sinner called among sinners to lead others to Christ."  That's just it.  We need to always remember where we came from and that is a place of sin that we have redemption in only because of Christ.  We need to be ever grateful of his mercy and sacrifice.  We as Christians also need be real careful not to think we are better than others because of this gift or look down upon others because they may not.  We all have "skeletons in the closet" so to say that need to keep us on our knees in forgiveness and give us patience and understanding with each other.

Many prayers for this family that is certainly living in Hell on Earth right now.

***5***

Ok, on to happier and more positive things...

NOAH IS A FULL FLEDGE WALKER!!!!!!! My little guy took his good sweet time, but as of Saturday he is a walking machine!  Woo hoo!!!!!  He's so proud too.  Mom and Dad are too!

***6***
Yesterday we took Jonah to get his allergy tests done and as I suspected, on top of his peanut allergy he is also allergic to milk and coconut and possibly to eggs. (We will be testing him with some eggs in the coming weeks.)  It is possible that he can grow out of both his milk and peanut allergy in a few years (prayers please) but for now it's not peanuts or milk for a year! Yikes!

So here's where you come in....our little Jonah likes to eat.  Give me your ideas on good filling protein filled alternatives to milk and peanut butter we can feed our little guy besides beans and meat.  I know there are a few veggies with protein out there, but I'm feeling a little lost. 

Help a momma out!


***7***

These past few days have been absolutely beautiful!  Temps in the 70s.  Lovely cool breezes.  Makes me want to put all my shorts and swim suits away and suit up for fall!  Bring on the apples, sweaters, pumpkins, jeans, football, leaves, and candy corn!! Gosh I love fall!  I hope there are many more lovely days like this to come as we enter Indian summer!

But for now, those of you who love summer (and don't get me wrong, it has it's perks) get out there and enjoy this beautiful weekend we are going to have!!  Soak up that sun and drink a cold beer....maybe even do one final cannon ball into the deep end for old times sake!




Imperfect Love

 


I've been thinking a lot about my two boys lately.  Although only 15 months apart, they are so very different already.  Noah, my older son, is joy personified truly.  He loves life and almost always has a smile on his face.  He is vivacious and loud!  He's also, however, cautious and not a huge risk taker.  He likes to take situations in before he engages and does things when he is good and ready despite our desires to rush him.  He is methodical and very observant...especially when it comes to letters and trains.  Jonah, although we are just learning a lot about him is our more pensive child.  He's a thinker.  Even more observant than his brother, he loves to watch cars drive by and see what his big brother is doing.  Jonah is sensitive and a mama's boy.  Noah could care less about food most days, Jonah already hunts us down if he sees or smells something.  Noah hates to go to bed, but then sleeps great.  Jonah is ready for bed early like his mom, but is up on and off all night. 


The thing is I love both these boys very much, and yet very differently.  Noah needs me to encourage him in many things, hold his hand when he's unsure, and celebrate life with him.  Jonah needs me to be patient, give him lots of snuggles, and be sensitive with him when he needs it.  It's not always easy to be the mom they need when they are throwing food on the floor, crying for the third time that night, or not sharing nicely.  I'm easily frustrated by their little habits that make my life just a little bit more difficult.

None of this is new to any mother out there, but what I started to think about was that despite their differences, difficulties, and temperaments I still love them unconditionally.  In fact, I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I do these two handsome boys.  And that got me thinking about God and how He loves each one of us just the way we are.  All of us flawed, all of us difficult, each of our temperaments and quirks.  He loves us.  And not only does He love us, He loves us just as we are.  Just the way we need to be loved and where we are at in our lives.

This, too, is not a revelation. But finally my thoughts came to me, and how I love myself.  I love my boys, unique as they are, unconditionally.  I won't love Noah more if he eats everything I put on his plate.  (Though that would be nice.)  My love for Jonah won't grow if he FINALLY sleeps through the night.  I can look at my husband and see beyond his flaws and nuances, and love him, and YET I seem to struggle doing the same for myself. 

There is a verse in the Bible that I would imagine all of us have heard; "Love your neighbor, as you love yourself."  We are really good about working on loving our neighbor, but we seem to skip over that second part....or at least I always did.  We have to love our neighbor AS WE LOVE OURSELVES.  I don't know about all of you, but I'm actually a lot better at loving my neighbor than I am at loving myself. 

I'm fat. My house is a mess more often than it's not.  My feet need a pedicure and my face needs a good wax.  Sometimes I choose to nap instead of doing the dishes.  I'm impatient at times and I can swear like a truck driver.  My prayer life sucks and I'm pretty much a subpar mother. Not to mention I'm JUST a stay at home mom. 

These are things I would say to myself over and over again.  The self talk going on in my mind wasn't kind.  It wasn't pleasant.  It wasn't love. The truth of the matter is I can love my family, friends, neighbors, but I wasn't real good at loving myself.  There were too many conditions, too many flaws. I worried about what others would think about me and felt judged by comments in life and on Facebook.  I was so busy beating myself up that I was certain that others were beating me up too. 

Then one day I happened to pick up the book  "The Gifts of Imperfection; Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brene Brown.  Her book on living a Whole Hearted Life was the stepping stone to changing me and helping me to learn to love myself....flaws and all.  It's an ongoing process, one that requires faith, forgiveness, and acceptance, but I can wake up each day and like myself a little bit more.  Yes, I'd like to lose weight and be healthier, but that doesn't mean I can't love the fat Erin too.  I'd love my house to be cleaner, but I can love and accept the fact that despite my best efforts, it's probably never going to be spic and span.  Slowly, but surely, I am learning to love me for me.  Learning to love me for the things I do well and quite frankly for the things I don't do well.  Because I love my neighbor that way and God calls me to love myself that way. 

So I challenge each of you who may have happened to stumble on this blog today.  Take a minute to love your self today.  All of you.  Each imperfection, each love handle, and each lovely thing that makes you, YOU.  Although many are challenged to love their neighbor as themselves, I think it's important that we turn that around sometimes and question ourselves, "Do we love ourselves as we love our neighbor?"

Friday, August 14, 2015

7 Quick Takes...Letting My Thoughts Go Public Again

So blogging is something I love, but 7.5 months ago I gave birth to a little boy who hates sleep and therefore most of my free time during the day has been trying to squeeze in a nap to make up for the night.  But blogging is something I love, something that excites me.  So I'm going to try and get back in the saddle and at least get my 7 quick takes out each week.

Welcome back friends.....

***1***

So last Friday a small miracle occurred in my life as a mother and wife.  My parents took my boys out to their house and my husband met them out there, which meant for roughly 24 hours I was completely on my own.  It was so glorious and yet so weird...mostly glorious.  I started off the day with a pedicure and a haircut, both desperately needed.  Then after shopping solo at Target I rushed home to get ready for my date! My friend Cheryl and I went out to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and then headed to Plymouth to make some pottery.  It was so fun!  The following morning I attended a brunch for the local "Blessed is She" group and was blessed to listen to my dear friend Mary speak.  24 hours....24 wonderful hours....

You know what was really lovely too about those hours?  Besides sleeping all night??? I got to spend time with some of the awesome women in my life.  I don't know about the rest of you, but having 2 kids under the age of 2, has meant some strain on my friend relationships.  It's hard to get together and keep in touch, especially outside of play dates and Facebook.  It was so lovely to share our stories, frustrations, a drink or two, and be vulnerable with each other.

Gosh, I don't know about you, but I need my friends.  So. Much. So. So. Much.  It's hard to make the time when you're exhausted at the end of the day and you don't really feel like talking to anyone, but I am committed to making time with my friends more of a priority in my life.


***2***

I could never live somewhere that didn't have the 4 seasons.  I'm always ready for the next season.  It's August 14th and I am really starting to get ready for fall.  Like tempted to put up my pumpkins and buy some candy corn....but I'll wait.  (Especially since it's going to be 90 all week.)

***3***

On Thursday our little Jonah will go for allergy testing.  After an extremely scary and strong reaction to peanut butter 5 weeks ago we will be finding out if he is not only allergic to peanuts, but also any other nuts.  We are going to have the doctor test for milk because he seems to be having issues with milk and while we are at it, eggs.  The world of anaphylactic allergies is scary.  Even though I am a epi pen carrying girl myself due to shell fish, it's a whole nother issue when it's your kid.  Especially a little guy who picks up everything off the ground and doesn't yet know what peanuts or peanut butter are.  Not to mention his brother doesn't either.  And it's amazing just how many things have nuts or are made in a factory where it's possible that nuts have contaminated the product.  Because I am breastfeeding still, I too have had to cut out all nuts from my diet.

I always thought the peanut free school or peanut free lunch table was a little extreme, but I went to Funtastic play center in Woodhaven last week and was so relieved that they were a peanut free facility and I didn't have to worry that when Jonah crawled around he wasn't going to accidentally come into contact with peanut butter that I now get it.  These allergies are scary and baffling and no one quite knows why it's such an issue.  I'm certain we will learn lots more with this journey and we pray that he will be one of the lucky ones that grow out of it.

***4***

For the past 33 days I have been reading a devotional called "33 Days to Morning Glory."  It's a preparation for a consecration to Christ through Mary.  Ever since I have become a mother Mary has been my go to.  I still obviously prayed to God, but going to Christ through Mary has felt much more comfortable to me.  Mary being a wife, mother, and woman feels so relateable to me.  Since becoming a mother, however, my prayer life has taken a dive into the tank.  Yes, I know my life is my prayer and taking care of my family can be a prayer, but I really needed to get some sort of prayer life back on track.  One of the ladies from my "Blessed is She" group (did I mention you really need to check out this group if you are looking for an awesome online support group of wonderful Catholic women...) invited us to pray this prayer with her over the next 33 days.  It is just what I needed.  It has reignited my spiritual fire and brought me even closer to Mary with a greater understanding of her intercession and ability to draw us closer to Christ.  Tomorrow I will head to mass and make my consecration to Christ through Mary.  I can't help but be a little bit excited and look forward to the fruit of this time in my life.  If you've never heard of this book and are looking to make the consecration I really encourage you to take the plunge! It has been such a blessing to the entire group of us.

***5***

Tonight Noah, our almost 2 year old who was born at 27 weeks, took about 10 steps across the kitchen unassisted!!!!  Woot woo!!  Our little fighter is almost there!! Soon he'll be running all over the place...I can just feel it.


***6***

Today I bought this picture from a friend's garage sale.  She had posted it on Facebook and it brought tears to my eyes and took my breath away.  Most of you know that we have a son in heaven after he was born much too early and lived only 4 days here on this earth.  I always imagine Jackson is looking out for his brothers here on earth and is their special angel.  I often tell the boys to tell Jackson "hi" in their dreams and love thinking about them meeting there.  I gotta be honest though, as lovely and special as this picture will be for me, it made me miss my son terribly.  I wish my 3 boys could all play together.  I wish we all had the pleasure of knowing Jackson beyond the NICU covered in tubes and attached to machines.  I still grieve the life that was robbed from me and wonder what my little 2.5 year old would be up to.  What he would look like and what kind of temperament he would have.  Would he love trains like his brother?  What would be his favorite books and foods to eat?  It grieves my heart and brings me back to those moments when we had to say good bye not only to our son, but also the dreams we had for his life.  So for today I'll let myself miss my sweet little boy and I'll be grateful when I pass by this picture knowing that a little glimpse of my oldest son still lives on in our home.


***7***

Weekends with my family are my favorite! We have a lot to get done around these parts this weekend, but it's always funny making memories out of the little things.

That's my sign off for the rest of you...go make the little moments count this week!