Crumbs and fingerprints

Some days when I am in the middle of my day, I take a moment and think back to those delusional days of my first 30 years of what I thought life as a mom would be like.  The romanticized visions of playing with my kids, snuggling with a newborn at 3 am, and memory making makes me giggle.  Now don't get me wrong, there are still lots of memories made and snuggles too (even at 3 am when I'd much rather be sleeping than rocking a 9 month old), but there isn't a whole lot of romance or euphoric moments going on in those trenches. Yes, motherhood is glorious, but it is equal parts messy....very, very messy. 

This blog began to form in my brain earlier this week when in a moment of frustration as I was sweeping the kitchen floor for the 3rd time that MORNING (we hadn't even made it to lunch yet), I looked around to see ridiculous amounts of fingerprints mixed in with our monster window clings on the front door.  There were enough puffs on the floor to feed an army....well at least my army.  Noah's milk cup was dripping on the floor in the living room and Jonah was once again throwing all the magnetic letters back to the floor even though they had just been picked up.  I may have let out a frustrated little scream! The kids, well, they laughed and continued to make mayhem, and I swept up the floor and we continued on.  But later that night, after both boys were in bed, I looked at my living room that was full of toys and was really feeling frustrated.  No one told me that motherhood would be this messy.  So, so messy.

But honestly, the physical messes are just one thing.  Motherhood's messiness goes beyond poopy diapers and dumped plates on the floor.  Motherhood is messy at 3am and you can't stop the tears or get your child to sleep.  Motherhood is messy when despite your best efforts, your child still can't get back on the growth curve and is given the title of "failure to thrive."  Motherhood is messy when your child is hurting and there is nothing you can do to make it better.  There are messes like neglected husbands and careers that despite the fact you know they need some attention, you have found yourself completely drained and unable to squeeze out anything. 

So this week Tuesday, after a difficult Monday at the doctor's office with both of my boys, a sink full of dishes, floors to be swept for the hundredth time (or so it felt), and finger prints once again adorning my front door...I cried.  Ugly, messy tears.  I cried on and off all day.  "Motherhood is hard." I told a friend.  And we've all heard mothers before us claim, "It's the hardest thing they've ever done," but we don't believe them until we are in the trenches on those Tuesdays, stuck between the mundane and monotonous and the big, loud, and messy that we understand.

And do you know why Motherhood's messy job description is so hard???

Because of faces like these....

Because even though they are champion mess makers, they are worth every mess, too.  We get so frustrated with them, and then they smile at us, or finally say that word we've been working on for months, or take their first steps across the kitchen.  Suddenly, it doesn't matter that there are crumbs on the ground or fingerprints on windows because we are cheering with them and celebrating their successes! Or when we finally plop down on the couch to take a moment and they curl up in our laps and snuggle with us, as if to let us know they appreciate us and love us.

It's in those moments of snuggles, celebrations, and smiles that we get our strength to clean up one more mess.  To figure out one more recipe that maybe our child will finally eat.  We find the resolve to crawl out of bed at 3 am, because despite every expert's advice "cry it out" doesn't work for this little guy and sometimes you just need to see your mom, messy hair and bags under her eyes.

Then this morning the Beatitudes popped into my head....You know the "Blessed are the...., For they shall..." (See Matthew 5 for the text) But I noticed those who were called blessed were those who mourn, who are merciful, who make peace (can you believe a 2 year old and 9 month old already fight?), and who are persecuted.  Now I'm sure Christ wasn't specifically talking about moms in this passage, but it made me think about the old adage that "Anything hard is worth working for."  The easy road usually doesn't give the fulfillment and reward that the road with the difficult terrain brings to those of us who choose to travel it's hills and valleys. 

If motherhood wasn't so messy, so hard we wouldn't cry at preschool graduation or when our babies leave for college. If motherhood was easy, we wouldn't have awesome kids who stand up for what is right and know how to share.  If motherhood was easy, we wouldn't know that true sacrificial type love of Christ. 

SoBlessed are the moms, for they shall inherit the kingdom of God...one mess at a time.