Let's get to it....
***1***
My friend Gail taught me a lot of things in life, but one little thing I picked up from her was buying yourself flowers. My husband, well...my husband is a lot of things wonderful, but he stinks at sending me flowers or other little gifts. (Don't worry...I tell him this all the time.) So, today I bought myself flowers. I love having flowers in the house. I bought a lovely bouquet of mixed flowers in wonderful hues of fall. Flowers make me happy!
***2***
I mentioned last week that I have been nesting lately. Well the nesting lives on....so far this week I have tackled the pantry and our front hall closet! Plus a few other areas of the house that needed organizing and going through. After a trip to our local Good Will for drop off I am sure our little house is breathing easier now that a few more items have left the premises. It feels SO GOOD getting rid of stuff! The older and wiser I get the more I appreciate having less stuff! Do you know that I donated 5 winter coats??? Why would anyone need 5 winter coats!? People are freezing and need coats. I felt good about my donation. (Though slightly gluttonous with myself...)
***3***
I made a big decision yesterday for Noah and for myself. You see, sometimes newborns don't latch on well with breast feeding. Now take a little preemie with less energy, coordination, and age and it doesn't often go too well. I, however, was hell bent that he was going to take to breast feeding and was really pushing him to nurse each feeding I was there. He would latch on and do ok, but he was rarely successful beyond a few minutes of sporadic nursing. One of things preventing Noah from coming home right now is that he needs to be able to nipple all feedings. Noah does really well with the bottle. So yesterday, Tom and I talked and decided it was time for us to focus on bottling well so we can get him home. Every bit of energy we waste on him trying to breast feed prevents him from coming home sooner. What's important to us is that he gets the breast milk, how he gets the milk is less important. So for now I will commit to pumping and helping my little guy be successful feeding from the bottle. We may try the breast again once he's home and we can focus a little more and he's a little older. As soon as we made the decision, I was so relieved. I didn't realize how much pressure I was putting on both of us. I had to accept that I wasn't a failure of a mother because my child isn't breast feeding and although I dread not being able to put away my pump, the important thing is that he is getting that "liquid gold."
***4***
Today I saw this on my grief supports' wall.
It touched me so much that I hope to soon write a reflection blog soon about surviving the last year. This coming Monday will be a year since I first found out about my cervix issues, and our angel Jackson's 1st birthday is approaching too. I can't believe all that's happened in a year and I am still here to talk about it. But anyways....stay tuned.
***5***
I find the whole Obama care, health insurance crisis,....blah, blah, blah...to be annoying and a real pain in my hiney. We had to choose a whole new compliant insurance plan this week. (We buy our own insurance since the hubster is self employed...) It's so confusing! Which is the better plan, most cost efficient, the right fit for our family??? Anyways, I don't want to open a debate on all of this, I am just saying I am sick of politicians messing up our lives with plans that promise to be better for us all. Did I mention our rates went up despite promises that it wouldn't? I will leave it at that.....
***6***
I love fall. I love when the leaves change color and are so beautiful to look at. I hate however when they fall to the ground and require raking. That is all.
***7***
The hardest part for me leaving Noah in the NICU each night is thinking that he may be crying and the nurses might not be able to console him or cuddle him at that moment. They are wonderful, but there are lots of babies who need care and sometimes a crying baby can immediately be attended to. I hate it. Anyways, today as I walked into the NICU my worst fear came true. I heard a child crying rather loudly and recognized immediately just who's cry it was! Mom was running 5 minutes late and my little boy was hungry!! I was amazed that of the 35 babies in the NICU currently and all the bells and alerts going on, I knew it was my kid immediately. I guess it's true that they say you know your child's cry. Don't worry....he got extra cuddles afterwards.
Have a great weekend everyone!!
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