Ten years ago, I made a decision that would forever alter my life and bring me on to a new path of love and devotion. That's right 10 years ago, at the Easter Vigil Mass I was brought into full communion in the Catholic church. It was a big decision for me, one that I did not take lightly and one that initially I wasn't sure I wanted to make, but it was the best day of my life at that point and a decision that will always continue to bless my life.
So ten years later the question "Why be Catholic when I can be anything I want to be?" has been playing a lot in my mind lately. In fact, just recently I had what I would call a crisis of faith. I told my husband that I wasn't even sure I wanted to be Catholic anymore! (Gasp! Don't worry my dear Catholic friends...it was a short lived crisis.) You see, without going into my entire conversion story, you should know that my background is in the evangelical Christian church. I was heavily involved an Assembly of God church, where I truly met the Lord for the first time. I loved the music and the preaching at my church and being involved probably saved me going through high school. But, as most do, I fell away from all church during college and wound up teaching at a Catholic school out of desperation! LOL! Truly...I don't lie. I just didn't know God was calling me home.
OK, so back to my crisis. You see these last 2 years have been exhausting for me. You've read my story, you know the saga we've lived. The Catholic church deep in her traditions and teachings wasn't reaching me for some reason. Where I was and in some ways still am was needing something more, something beyond checking my time card each Sunday morning. (I recognize I was probably to blame for the most part.) I gotta be honest, I was thinking about some of these new churches with a coffee bar in the lobby, a good 45 minute praise and worship session, a nursery for my little guy, women's Bible studies, Wednesday night church, and so much more. I was thinking about that for a church and it was feeling very, very attractive to me. I was needing to be fed and couldn't find that without feeling the need to start something myself and I gotta be honest...I don't have the mental capacity to start any ministries right now. I wanted to be ministered to. And yet, I was a Catholic and I know I'm never going to find a coffee bar in the lobby of my church nor be able to bring my coffee into Mass with me. (LOL, can you tell I love my coffee?) And so I began to pray...nothing spectacular, but for a week the only prayer I could pray was this...
"Lord, help me fall in love with your church again..."
...and after a few conversations with my husband, two dear Catholic friends who I felt I could be totally honest with, and searching out a Catholic Church out in Ann Arbor...the Lord helped me love His church again. So why do I choose to be Catholic? I'll tell you. As appealing as those things I mentioned above are, I actually really and truly believe the teaching of the Catholic church.
I believe in the Sacraments. I believe in the Eucharist. When Christ said "This IS My body..." I am pretty sure He meant it. What a gift that I get to invite the Lord in each week when I receive Him in Holy Communion. I believe in the gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession). A friend once told me it's the cheapest form of therapy out there! But all kidding aside, there is something so beautiful about admitting your sins to Christ through a priest and knowing that as you leave the confessional you are forgiven of your sins. It's such a beautiful demonstration of the forgiveness of our Lord.
I believe in our devotion to Mary and the Saints. Although this teaching is one of the most misunderstood teachings of our church by other faiths, it is one of my strongest. When I lost my son Jackson, I prayed to Mary for guidance and faith knowing that she knew all too well how difficult it was to lose a child. When I was encountering another difficult pregnancy I prayed to St. Gianna and others to pray for me. I love the Communion of Saints. I love that there are people in heaven that I can ask to pray for me and take my prayers to the Lord especially when I am finding prayer especially difficult.
I believe in Purgatory. I find peace and comfort that in God's mercy, He knows that although we may not be fully ready to enter the gates of Heaven, He allows us to pray for others in order to purify our souls so that we are spotless before the Lord. The Lord is just, and yet so full of love.
I truly believe that the Pope is the Vicar of Christ. And just as Christ gave Peter the keys to His Church, I believe that we have a spiritual successor to lead and guide our church. Oh and what awesome Popes we have had in the 10 years I have been a Catholic. I especially love our current Pope, Pope Francis. What a blessing he is to our church and wow! How much he has taught us in his few short months as our Pope?
I believe in it all. And although our Church is not perfect and there will never be a coffee bar or a 45 minute praise session, there is such beauty in the rich traditions and beautiful sacraments. My family has found a new Catholic Church in the meantime that seems to be a good fit for us and our spirituality and that has helped. And so even though I may struggle at times, I am a Catholic. I am proud to be apart of the biggest mega church in the world! I am home.
