7 Quick Takes: NO MORE SNOW!!!!

***1***

No intro today...the title says it all! Snowiest month in Michigan...ever.  Stuck at home with a newborn. Oh and to make matters worse it's been pretty much bitter cold outside.  Except today...today it's 32.  It's like a heat wave.  But tomorrow...6-8 more inches, and by next Wednesday possibly up to 12 inches total.  ENOUGH ALREADY! This is Michigan, not the tundra, to even Minnesota.  We like a little winter, but this is ridiculous!  Rant over....

One positive note...at least it's prettier than the ugly gray and mud colors below it?

***2***

So although I am committed to being a stay at home mom, I also feel the need to get out there and do something.  On New Year's Eve, since we weren't out partying, Tom and I sat down and made our goals for the year.  We looked at many aspects of our lives: spiritual, financial, health, and career.  I started to realize that I really don't want to be a teacher any more.  It was a wonderful 11 years, but I burnt myself out.  Plus, I don't want to return full time, especially while Noah is still little.  I began to think that something I love to do is talk.  (Shocker, right?) But what I mean is God has blessed me with the ability to get in front of large groups of people and talk/sing.  In fact, I get a natural high from it.  I love getting up and encouraging others and sharing my life story.  I've had a few opportunities to do so and seriously want to get more involved, somehow, some way with public speaking.  I am beginning to think it's a new passion of mine.  Or maybe has always been a passion that I haven't explored.  I also am taking a class at the end of the month on doing voice overs and today will be submitting a 30 sec tape to a friend of a friend to possibly record some educational tapes for her company!  I am so excited! I know it's the very beginning, and honestly I don't know exactly how to pursue this dream, but I am excited nonetheless.  So I thought I would tell all of you in case you have any tips, ideas, or what not?  We will see how this all unfolds, but I am hoping new and exciting things are on their way!

***3***

"It's always something..." This phrase has come up in 2 conversations in the past 24 hours.  With kids, it's always something.  Just when you figure out their sleep schedule, they begin to not eat properly.  Just when you clear up that stuffy nose, you find out you both have thrush. (Yeah, true story here at the homestead.) We were saying that's how it is for a mom.  Teething, struggling in school, dating the wrong guy....it's always something.  Us moms become professional worriers when it comes to our kids.  Are they developing properly? Am I spoiling them? Are they eating properly?  It goes on and on....I guess welcome to the adventure.  I hear even when your kids are grown and out of the house it's still "always something."  No wonder my gray hairs have increased greatly in the past year. 

***4***

We are going to Florida next week. (Unless the impending snow storm screws it up...) I can't wait!! Bring on the warm temps and sunshine!!!

***5***

It's like Christmas all over again here!  Our little Noah is in the next size of clothes! Every day I put on a new outfit that he hasn't warn yet.  He is one stylish little guy!  Well loved indeed!  It is kind of sad however saying good bye to some of his first outfits.  It's hard to believe how much he's grown in the 2 months that he has been home.  Last weigh in was 8lbs 2 oz....up from 2 lbs 4 oz at birth!!  He's a heavy weight!

***6***

I read this article today.  "Let Your Husband Love You" I really loved it and it resonated with something I am struggling with lately...most of my life actually.  But let me back up first and tell you about my friend, who happens to be a therapist, who got on my case lately for all the negative talk I have been doing about my body.  All the bad names I have been calling myself.  It got so bad that she makes me text her once a day and tell her something good about my body.  Such as...I am able to provide nourishment for my son, have a strong immunity, a nice smile...so on and so forth.  I cannot tell you what a struggle the first few days were.  I seriously couldn't think of one nice thing to say about my body.  The first day it took me 8 hours to come up with something.  And I thought it was silly at first, and only half serious, but I realized that how I feel about my body and myself impacts all that I do.  And if I have such a negative attitude about it then I treat it negatively....enter weight gain and diet struggles.  So this week I have been sending her a text each day and slowly it's getting easier.  And I've noticed my eating is getting better too.  I am beginning to find some value in my body despite my struggles with it.  Now back to the article...that got me thinking after reading it, it's so important to love yourself so that you can be loved.  If we don't love and respect ourselves, then it's very easy to shut our husbands out.  Who wants to get intimate with a man when you haven't showered in 2 days and your love handles have become rubber tires? I have to remember that my husband loves ME.  Yes, he wants me healthy and happy, but that extra 5 pounds doesn't make him turn his head or run away with disgust.  And as exhausting as being a mother can be...and dirty (like when Noah spit up a ridiculous amount of guck down my cleavage at 6 am this morning...) it's sometimes when we are in the trenches that our husbands find us most appealing.  (Crazy men!!) So I am working on loving me.  I am hoping it continues to make a difference in my health and my marriage.

***7***

It's tulip season again!!  I cannot tell you how happy that makes me! I won a pot of them at a shower last weekend.  They make me smile every day!

Get those shovels ready folks!! 6-8 more inches tomorrow!!

7 Quick Takes:Oh January...

Noah just cried through tummy time so he is enjoying the good life sleeping in his boppy next to mommy on the couch.  Mommy is enjoying a cup of joe and gonna try and get these quick takes in before he awakes....here goes nothing!

***1***

I would like to go on record and say back in the summer when we had this crazy weather I kept saying, "I think it's going to be a bad winter."  Well, so far, I think my prophetic ideas were true.  It's been a snowy, cold winter so far.  In fact, yesterday I went out to Ann Arbor to see a friend for coffee and take Noah to Tom's work to meet everyone.  I checked the weather before I left and it said snow later that night.  Well, half way through my coffee date it started snowing like crazy.  In an effort to look "cute" I had donned my favorite flats for the day.  Well, it kept snowing, snowing, and snowing....I don't know if it's being a mom and driving with your child or I am getting old, but I started to have anxiety BIG time.  I have driven in the snow a million times.  I hate when people flip out because of the snow.  (Hello? It's Michigan...) But I was that person yesterday.  Not only did I have on inappropriate shoes,  not enough gas in my tank, and a cute little passenger in my back seat.  Needless to say, we made it home just fine.  Mom took it slow and steady.  But it's hard when you carry precious cargo.  Makes you think twice about things.


***2***

So, I have told you that our dear son doesn't sleep well.  He also was having some reflux issues, which thankfully we got some medication for.  BUT we also figured out that I cannot drink caffeine because that also causes him to have reflux.  So enter sleep deprived momma, decaf coffee, and well....need I say more? The things we do for our children.



***3***

I am kind of flipping out about how bad the flu is this year! I know half of it is probably media frenzy and thankfully Tom and I both got the flu shot this year and because of my breast milk, Noah has some immunity as well, but I am still freaking out!  I think Noah and I will be a little more careful in our adventures out of the house for a bit.  That's scary stuff!

***4***

This week, after about a month and a half hiatus we finally got our new dish washer!  I cannot tell you how happy I am to not have to be the sole dishwasher in this house! Between Noah's bottles and pumping bottles and such my poor hands were suffering.  (I know...you don't really feel that sorry for me.) But alas, our little dishwasher was installed on Tuesday and this mom is rejoicing!  Today Lowe's is coming to fix our leaky freezer. 

***5***

Ever since Noah has come home and things have settled down I have been thinking a lot about our first son, Jackson.  I look at his picture on the shelf in our living room and think about what he would look like today and what he would be up to.  The fact that we got pregnant so quickly after losing Jackson  and then had a crazy pregnancy with Noah didn't allow me to fully grieve losing our child.  I realize this now.  So Wednesday night I went to my grief support group for parents who have lost an infant.  It was so nice to be with a group of women who are unfortunately bound together by tragedy, but who understand each other completely.  We cried together, laughed together, and complained together.  It is so nice to have this group to reach out to when I have rough days or need to share how I am feeling. 

***6***

In less than 3 weeks we are taking Noah to Florida to visit with my parents.  Can't wait to get out of the cold for a week!  (Trying not to think about the germs on the plane...ugh, didn't think about that.) But those of you who are seasoned veterans with flying with infants/children...what are your tips? What should we bring, not bring, do, not do?  Thankfully it's a direct flight with no stops and we plan to gate check his stroller and check his car seat.  We will also be packing our ErgoBaby so we can strap the little guy in, but any other tips you might have we would greatly appreciate!

***7***

I have, and probably always will be, a procrastinator.  Especially if it comes to something confrontational or unpleasant.  But one of my New Year's resolutions is to be better about that.  To deal with things when they occur so they aren't hanging over me.  It's funny, when I take care of them I feel so much better and could've saved myself a lot of worry and angst, but I still procrastinate making those phone calls or whatever else it is.  I hope to improve. 

Well, happy weekend to you all!!  Thankfully, it's kind of a quiet one here for us!  Enjoy the "warm spell" before the freeze! 

Enjoy it while it lasts...

This morning I was talking to a good friend whose little one has had a stomach bug for the past few days!  She's 3 and has been "clingy and cuddly" because of this.  My friend wasn't all upset about that.  It got me to thinking about a lot of things.  It got me thinking about my little guy.  It got me thinking about that old lady at Target who told me to "appreciate this time for he will grow up fast."  Or my mom who laughed with me when I said I told God I wanted a snuggler for a baby, but didn't realize the ramifications of this. 

You see last week was a bad week for us.  My little guy, as sweet and as cute as he is, well he's not the greatest sleeper and when he does sleep he would much rather sleep in mommy and daddy's arms than anywhere else!  So last week, when the temperatures were only fit for polar bears to be out in and  Tom's commute back and forth to work had at least an extra half hour each way, and our little guy decided to rarely nap, be extra fussy, and fight feedings...well, things became very frustrating for both Noah and me.   Some times I even cried right along with him.  By Thursday night, I was at my tipping point.  Tom got home at 6:30 with dinner (cause there was no way I was cooking), we ate, I pumped milk for what seemed like the 400th time that day (I HATE that machine!) and promptly told my husband at 7:30pm that I was going to bed despite his shock.  We had kind of hit a parenting low. 

Being the parent of a preemie has it's own set of challenges.  Although we survived the NICU, it's not easy being a parent of a preemie (or any baby).  Preemies really run their own path.  Although Noah is almost 4 months old (Can you even believe that?) his adjusted age (counting from his due date) is only 3 weeks old.  So that means for the most part, Noah is doing what one month old babies do.  And one month old babies don't sleep that well.  Especially when weight is not on their side.  So normal sleep deprivation is prolonged in the parents of preemies.  Noah wakes up hungry every couple of hours because his belly can only handle so much.  So regardless if we want to increase his food, he just can't handle it. Nursing has been hit and miss despite my wishes to breast feed and dump the pump, all it was doing was making for a fussier baby! And you know what?  All of that is very, very frustrating!  And you know what?  That frustration was overwhelming my life...it became my focus.

But this weekend, after Tom and I had some much needed time out of the house with Noah, and after we went and bought a Rock N Play, which is supposed to rock for fussy babies with acid reflux (did I mention Noah also has reflux and is thankfully on meds to help?), and I decided to relax about feedings and just let Noah dictate what he needed when and how?  (Maybe we will eventually get to breastfeed exclusively, and maybe we won't. ) But this morning when I was talking to my friend with the sick child, who was looking forward to snuggling with her little one, I began to realize that my little snuggler will only be this little for awhile.  (He is growing like a weed!) Ask any mom of a rambunctious toddler how much they miss those snuggles and I am sure most will attest that they do. 

I realized that I was so focused on the fact that my kid was going to beat the odds of preemies and sleep through the night (or at least 6 hours) sooner than most.  I was so focused on getting him to nurse rather thus being judged for using a bottle (some people do judge you for that...rest assured...they're out there, but most of the judgement is in my head I am sure.) I was focused that I wasn't going to hold my child too much, lest he become a spoiled brat who never wanted to be put down.  And I was bound and determined that he was going to eat more, so he would sleep more.  And I was so focused on all of these frustrating things that all I was was frustrated!  And guess what? So was my son.  Because remember, he's a "3 week old" and you know the only thing 3 week olds care about?  They want their mom (and dad).  They want to feel loved and cared for.  They want to snuggle.  And because I was too focused on these things I forgot to just enjoy this time in my son's life.  I asked God for this boy, this snuggler, and He gifted me with him and all I was acting like was an ungrateful, spoiled brat.

Yes, I know, go easy on myself.  It's not always easy to hold a baby when your dishes are a mile high, you would rather be blogging at that moment, or perhaps it's 2 am and I can hardly keep my eyes open.  But we went through a lot to get this little boy home.  And I need to remember that most kids eventually sleep through the night.  Most kids learn to sleep in their own beds too.  If Noah never nurses, it's ok, because he will always be fed.  So until then, I need to try and enjoy every stage of this sweet boy's life, because as the old lady at Target reminded me...it's gonna go fast.  Soon, he won't slow down long enough to snuggle with his mom.  Soon, I will wake up in a panic when he decides to finally sleep through the night for the first time. Soon, he will need a sippy cup, not a bottle or a boob and those middle of the night feedings will be no longer. 

And it's funny...do you know today Noah took 2 bottles with the increased amount? And this morning slept for 3 straight hours for the first time ever.  He's getting there.  And he will...just not on mom's time table.  So sleep deprivation may live on a bit longer in our home.  Frustrating moments will occur, but it's time I make a concerted effort to enjoy the joy that happens in between.  (Like Noah turning his head back and forth multiple time during tummy time!)  Although it feels like it, there really in no reward for being "Mom of the Year." And like those many blog posts remind us, doing our best as a mom is what our kids need.  And so starting today, I am hoping to slow down and start enjoying being the mom to a really great kid!  And when he wakes me at 2am to eat, I am going to try and be gracious and remember it's only for a little while longer rather than focus on the agony of getting out of that warm bed with poofy eyes and black circles down to my nose, because that's why my son deserves! He's given a lot to be here and he deserves a mom who focuses on what he needs not what she needs.