Praise You in this Storm



If you are familiar with contemporary Christian music, you have undoubtedly heard the song "Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns.  It's always been one of my favorite songs, even before I entered this hurricane of a storm we are currently going through.  Yesterday, this song was sung at church during communion time.  The lyrics to the song begin like this:

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

 

You may find it hard to believe that I haven't cried much in the last few weeks.  I guess that stage of grief had left me for awhile, but when that song was sung so beautifully at Mass yesterday my eyes began to fill once again.  I wasn't only crying for my sadness that still lingers, but really I was crying because of the reality of my thankfulness for my God and my faith during this time.  Truly, the only reason I can get out of bed in the morning is because of my faith.  As this song played I began to reflect on this.  There are times I WANT to be so mad at God.  I want to blame someone for this and if I am not blaming myself and my own body for failing my family, I want to move on to God.  Someone has to take the blame for robbing me, my husband, and those who love us by taking away our Jackson.  But the reality is I can't be mad at God.  And as much as I'd like to point fingers at someone (usually myself), there is no one to blame.  This is just what happens in life.   Not all pregnancies end happily.  That is our new reality.

 

In fact, losing my son has done something for my faith.  Instead of making me doubt God and His works, I find myself trusting Him more easily.  I recognize that there is nothing in this life that I control and that at the end of the day God is all I really have.  Yes, God has blessed me with an awesome, supportive husband, a great family, and wonderful friends, but the love and strength of a human will never measure up to that love of Christ.  People ask how I get through this, and really it's that simple.  I get through this because of my faith.  That's all. I don't know how people get through things like this without faith? Without faith there is no hope that tomorrow will be better.  Without faith the thought of another pregnancy is too daunting and scary.  Without faith, the anger and resentment cripples you and makes getting out of bed harder than necessary. 

 

 

When a woman who has lost a baby has another baby it is called a "rainbow" baby.  I love this.  After this storm we pray that we will see the rainbow when God blesses us with another child.  Unfortunately, we know the reality that there are no absolutes in pregnancy.  Any pregnancy is risky, any pregnancy I have will be high risk.  But just like after a storm the sun comes out and we all find hope in the rainbow, we find hope that God may bless us with a rainbow too!  Rain or shine, we will praise Him knowing truly He never leaves our side.

 

We ALL have "storms" in our lifetime.  Many of you will never lose a child, thank God, but we all lose someone we love at some point.  We all have struggles, crosses to bear.  It's sometimes hard to  see God in the midst of the tragedy, but I pray that you too will find strength in your faith in God.  He is there.  Sometimes quiet, sometimes whispering, but know He is there. And one day then rain will stop, the sun will shine, and somewhere a rainbow will shine with hope that tomorrow will be better.