7 Posts in 7 Days: Day 3 Choices

My 7 day blogging spree continues...day 3.  Today I am writing not as an expert by any means, but rather I am telling you about a BIG realization I came to earlier this week.  I pray this doesn't mimic the many "You're doing a great job mom" blogs going around the cyber world.  Not because I don't like those or agree, but rather there is no need to reinvent the wheel.  Those bloggers hit the nail on the head.  Rather, I hope to come from the angle of empowering myself (and maybe one or two of you) as a mother, especially all the new mothers out there.

When I got married I got a lot of advice from people.  A lot.  But as promised by so many, it doesn't compare to the amount of advice I have received since having a child.  Now I should start off by saying, I recognize that I solicit advice on my Facebook often and perhaps open myself up for the many opinions of others.  I also should say that if you are one of the ones giving me advice, I really do appreciate it.  I do.  Please know this isn't about not hearing the advice of others, but rather what to do when advice is given. This is more of a reflection of me as a mother, not an attack on anyone.

This week we've started sleep training.  I've mentioned this on Facebook.  I even sought the advice of my fellow mom friends on Facebook.  Here were some of the words of wisdom (paraphrased):

* Put him in his crib and let him cry it out.
* Go in every 10-15 minutes and give him his pacifier
* I don't believe in crying it out.
* Swaddle him.
* Remember you are in charge.
* Sound machine.
* Quiet room.

Do you see my problem??  While all the advice was heartfelt and good, it all contradicts each other.  So I tried cry it out.  I tried the sound machine.  I tried the swaddle.  I went in every 10 minutes.  I kept the room quiet.  I cried after 40 minutes of him crying.  And finally I put him in his swing and he slept for 3 straight hours!  So by most of my friends' standards I have pretty much failed this week.  And I was really feeling like a failure.  When questioned if he was sleeping in his crib yet I would cringe as I said no.  I couldn't even tell everyone that this is just during the day for naps!  I don't know if I am ready to have him out of my bedroom at night just yet. 

So what's my point? Where's my epiphany?  It happened yesterday afternoon.  I was so consumed with trying to be a good mom in my friends' and family's minds that I forgot that I actually was a good mom.  I forgot that there is no one on this planet that knows my son better than I do.  I forgot that God has entrusted this little boy to me because apparently He feels I can handle it.  I realized I needed to be more confidant in my choices as a mother. 

Every day I have choices I have to make for my son.  How much to feed him? When does he need sleep? Is his diaper in need of a change?  What formula is best for supplementing? Is he cold? And although I think there is nothing wrong with asking advice from others, and goodness knows I don't know the half of what is required of me as a mom, it's what I do with that advice that makes a difference.  I realized that even if someone gives me advice on what to do in a situation such as sleep training, it doesn't mean I have to do it and I certainly am not accountable to do it.  Did letting your child cry it out work for you? Great.  So far, it's not working for my family.  Did you let your child nap in his swing most of the time?  I understand.  I realized that I was giving too much power to others and not realizing that no one knows better than my husband and me what works for our family.

Maybe that's not earth shattering to you, but it was to me.  It was such a release.  I was so consumed in not failing my advice givers that I wasn't looking at what is best for my son and my family.  I realized there is a tremendous amount of pressure to do things the "right" way as a mom.  Unfortunately, trying to please every one's rendition of "right" was not going to happen.  It's like the Mosaic Law...impossible. 

I thought about a few of my friends who have strong views on what they do or don't do as moms.  What I realized is that they were confidant in their choices as moms.  Maybe the family bed was the way to go for them.  Maybe they only feed their children organic foods.  Maybe they let their children cry it out at 8 weeks.  Maybe they don't let their children watch TV.  Maybe they do.  Whatever it is, they had convictions about why they do what they do and it was obvious that that wasn't going to change.  It doesn't mean they don't listen to others or do things differently than others, but rather they are able to listen and say, "That's great...but this works better for us."  They are confidant...something I am lacking.  Maybe it comes with time.  Maybe for some it doesn't.  But for me, I've decided to stop trying to be a people pleaser and to trust my instincts and gut and be the mom Noah needs me to be.  To be ME.  To be the best version of myself...because everyone else is taken!

I bet if you questioned the parents of all the kindergartner if their child sleeps in their own beds for the night, most would answer yes.  I also bet if you asked those same parents how they sleep trained you would get a variety of answers.  That's my second AHA! Noah will sleep in his crib one day.  Noah will sleep through the night one day (hopefully soon...) But we might get there on a different path and in a different time frame than you.  And you know what? That's OK.  And if I make a poor decision on what path to go down I will pay for it.  I will be the one up with him in the middle of the night.  But eventually we will figure it out. 

So that's my encouragement for today!  All you moms out there....trust yourself! Be the best mom you can be! God has entrusted each of your children to you because He knew that you were the best mom for that child.  God has faith in you and I do to!  Don't be afraid to do what works for you and your child.  Other than those things that would put you or your child in danger there are a thousand routes to achieving the same goals as parents.  Our children will one day sleep in beds, get out of diapers, read, write, use a fork, and walk.  One way or another it will happen!  Go confidant in YOUR way!


Don't forget to check out some of the other writers that are partaking in Jen's 7 Posts in 7 Days challenge over at Conversion Diary! 

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog when I get on my Christian Soap Box and tell you what I think Christians are doing wrong in this world! (Cause I know you want to know!)